I want salad!

Do you remember, back in the day, when a salad consisted of Iceberg lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, maybe a crouton or two, and a homemade vinegar and oil “Italian” dressing? My grandmother would make this dressing in a little carafe; she’d add a few herbs and spices, then hand the bottle to me to shake. When I finished shaking the bottle, I’d watch the oil separate from the vinegar, and all the herbs settle to the bottom. I miss those days.

Today, I can’t get a decent “house” salad anywhere. I order a house salad and I get a plate of dandelion greens, red cabbage looking stuff, and purple…who knows what it’s called…lettuce. It’s bitter, it’s yucky, and it wilts in the dressing. I’m sorry but that is NOT lettuce!

Even worse, if you look past the house salad on the menu, you will find all the new funky salads, with fruits and nuts and tofu, and stuff with names I’ve never heard. That’s all fine and dandy for you health-nuts. They are indeed healthy for you. Spinach and dandelion greens are high in essential vitamins and minerals. Round it out with fruits, and high nutrient density, low saturated fat nuts, and you’ve got a deliciously healthy salad. Great! I don’t want that!

I want crisp cold iceberg lettuce. It has virtually no nutritional value whatsoever. Well, it does have some value, though much less than Romaine. It was considered a good source for several nutrients, but apparently the levels of those nutrients are so low that it’s not worth your time. So…the fact that it tastes good, it’s enjoyable to eat, and it doesn’t make you fat…isn’t enough to keep it on the menu.

Then, with my crisp cold iceberg lettuce, I would like big meaty red tomato wedges. Not those tiny cherry tomatoes that pop when you bite them. Those things are hard to cut, they are full of seeds and tomato slime, and once again, a little bitter compared to a big beefsteak tomato. I’m never sure if I should eat a cherry tomato whole, cut them in half, or just bite part of one off the fork. Have you ever tried to bite one in half? I recommend not doing it in public.

Top my salad off with a few slices of cucumber and a few croutons. I need some crunch in my salad to give it a little texture. Sorry, nuts are not the right texture. Yes, bread is bad for you these days. It contains carbohydrates. How many croutons equal a slice of bread? I have no idea, but I bet I could make four salads out of one slice-of-bread sized crouton.

And no, I do not want any other type of fruit on my salad. No raisins, oranges, apples, or anything sweet on my salad and that includes Asian f-ing dressing.

My grandmother doesn’t make her fantastic oil and vinegar dressing any more. I wish I knew how she did it and I’d make my own. I’m sure it’s fairly simple but I can’t ask her. None of the bottled “Italian” dressing can compare so I prefer to avoid that disappointment and generally choose Ranch dressing. Not “Cool” or “Cucumber” or even “Ancho-Chipotle” Ranch. Just Plain Ranch please!

Tomorrow I’ll go back to eating all the high nutrient greens with the fruits and nuts.
I like them just fine.

KB~