Zen Wisdom

“The barn burned down. Now I can see the moon.”

-Zen wisdom

OK, this is my fourth attempt at writing an update.  Finals week is over.  New semester starts on Monday.  Tomorrow I am meeting my good friend for coffee at 9am, then we are going to the farmers market.  I plan to buy something fresh and cook dinner.  I havent cooked in...(long pause)....I have no idea how long it has been. 

This week I managed to study for finals, and write 3000 words of One Fine Day.  (See previous posts for bits of the story.)  I would like to post some of my writing, but havent decided which parts are best saved for the suspense of the book yet.  You will have to wait a bit longer for more. 

As this story is developing, there is a religious aspect that is creating the character arc.  One character is questioning his faith, while another lost his long ago and both need to get it back by the end of the story.  So, I've been researching religion and religious faith all day.  Those that know me, know that I have an infinite amount of faith.  But my faith is internal and not driven by any religious factor.  I have no clue when it comes to religion.  Dont misunderstand me.  I am a believer, but I am not a follower. 

The quote at the top of the page is simply the best example of MY form of faith.

I'm finding the research quite interesting and...uhm...I learned what living in God's grace means.  I admit it.  I did not know.  Its not what I thought it was.  Not to minimize the significance, but its like living in the time between the date your car payment is due, and the date they actually penalize you with a fee for being late.  We are allowed to be human and not live up to expectations, as long as we make an honest attempt. 

Oh yes, I found the Seven Heavenly Virtues.  I didnt know there was a list.  Yes, I did look up the Seven Deadly Sins too.  (I was somewhat familiar with them).  Primarily, I was interested in Lust for the purposes of the story.  Well, it is a romance novel, of course there is lust!  And because the story takes place around Christmas, I needed to know what masses were held during that time.  I had always heard of people attending midnight mass Chrismas Eve.  I didnt know it was called the "Mass of the Angels."  I like that name. It sounds more important than "Midnight Mass".   Yes, I have so much to learn. 

So, basically, its been a very productive and informative week.

Art and Technology

The constant stream of information that I am getting from Twitter, and the Blogs that I follow, is fantastic! Interesting things that I've never thought to look for are popping up here and there. In my quest for information, I stumbled upon something I hadn't noticed before...IT geeks are artists.

For some reason, I always grouped IT people with the more analytical types. Being both analytical and creative myself, I saw the art in the technology. But, I never gave much thought to the type of people in the field. The theory is that people who are both analytical and creative use both sides of their brain. (That's not to say that people who use only one half their brain are any less intelligent, or have half the brain power.) I think the technology age caused people, who were typically one side or the other, to stretch their abilities. The amazing technological advances we make month after month require both analysis and creativity.

I became fascinated with computer technology in 1995. Back then, in business, we were using dumb terminals to look up information. I had used a PC only a few times, and really didn't understand them. The computer class I had way back in highschool taught me the history, but not much about the practical use. And then they put one on my desk. My world was changed forever.

One day someone handed me a CD, and told me to put the files on my PC. Having only used a floppy disc to save information, I had no idea what to do with it. So, I took the CD and put it in the large floppy drive. I put it only part way in thinking the computer would take it the rest of the way, just like the CD player in the car. It didn't move. I pushed it the rest of the way in and waited. Nothing happened. Much to my dismay, I could not find the eject button. Anxiety set in. There was important information on that CD and I didn't know how to retrieve it. My pride did not allow me to go ask for help. I stared at it for a while.

All of a sudden a light went on in my head. I realized what I did. The CD doesn't go in the floppy drive. It goes in the pop out cup holder. (How many times have you heard that joke? ) I slowly leaned sideways so I could see around the corner from my desk. Thankfully, no one was around to see what I was about to do next. I took a paperclip from the drawer and partially straightened it out. Gently, I attempted to pry the CD from the floppy drive. I snaked it back as deep as I could behind the CD, and worried that I was going to electrocute myself. Slowly but surely, it came out far enough to grab it with my fingers and pull it the rest of the way. I put the CD back in its case and put it in the desk drawer. That was enough fun for one day.

The next day I took the CD out and put it in the correct place. The lights flashed on the computer and things happened on my screen. A window popped up and there were the files I needed. Awesome! How do I get them on my computer so I dont have to mess with this CD ever again?

After that incident I vowed to never be that stupid about a computer again. I spent at least 10 minutes every day learning something new about my PC. Once I learned the PC, I went on to figure out the mainframe we used. I became the office expert. When my company merged with another we had to integrate with their system. I was given access to the AS400 about two weeks prior to the formal training. When the "trainer" showed up, I knew more than she did, and even taught her a few things. This was my new passion. I was infected by the IT bug.

Back to my original point, that IT geeks are artists. I have been surfing Twitter for a little more than a month looking for both IS/IT information and writing/publishing tips. What I found was that many of the writers are IT geeks, and the IT geeks are writers, poets, and musicians. The people that I thought were just highly analytical are also creative.

I'm starting to feel so at home.

Homework and Freedom

Its Tuesday night and I spent very little time on my homework this past weekend. I was busy working on my writing and revamping this site. I'm really happy with the way it turned out, especially the photography. My favorite pic is the one on a Preview of Mikey. Doesn't it just scream FREEDOM! I love it.

Freedom. That is what this page is about. Well, not really, but in a weird way it is. I have always loved to write. Most of what I wrote in my younger years was lost along the way. It was either thrown away, packed away, lost in a computer crash, or just simply misplaced. I've never shared any of it with anyone because of my fear. The fear of being judged for the thoughts in my head. Really...when you think of Stephen King... do you not think he has a very warped mind? You have to be seriously warped to write some of the things he writes. His books scare the daylights out of me.

It would be impossible for a writer to not leave a part of himself on each written page, just as a painter puts his soul into his art. You may see it as colors on a canvas, but the artist sees it as part of himself, the good and the bad. Writers are the same way. Our own ideas, experiences, and philosophies come out as we write. Its like sharing part of your inner self. We influence our characters no matter how hard we force them to be their own people.

So, my fear is that people who read what I write may think I am warped like Stephen King. (I'm not that kind of warped, but you get the idea.) And what if someone I know recognizes a quality that closely fits their own? Readers don't go looking for hints of themselves, but often times they do identify with a character. Will they think I wrote about them? Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.

Is my fear unusual? I honestly have no idea. But it is mine to deal with as I spend more time writing. Maybe I will know when I have achieved my goal, conquered my fear, and reached freedom, when someone tells me I am truly warped!

As for my homework, I really need to get back to it. I have some database labs to work on. Just your typical IT geek stuff. And some research to do on the new "low emission" coal for my environmental science class. Its all very interesting.

One Fine Day

All things happen for a reason. Be thankful for what you have, and never underestimate its importance.

Matthew had the life he always wanted; a beautiful wife with a stunning smile, two growing boys, and the dream house that he designed and built for his family. His architectural firm was successful. Life was good. But sometimes “good” just isn’t enough. Having reached his goal of a peaceful existence at an early age, Matthew was bored. One day dragged into the next without excitement, and without spontaneity. He lost his purpose somewhere along the way.

Fate stepped into Matthew’s life just a week before Christmas. He met Julie unexpectedly when he took on a job to revise plans on a custom home. A few days later they spent one incredible day together. Julie awakens his passion for creativity, excitement, and love. Matthew finds himself questioning his devotions to his family, his job, and his God. When fate twists itself into a deadly ice storm, it forces the two of them down an unexpected path of tragedy, heartache, and renewed faith.

To read an excerpt continue to my previous post: Bits of One Fine Day

Bits of One Fine Day

Julie and Mathew walked hand in hand thru the food court looking for the restrooms. They found them on the opposite side of the cafeteria. When they reached the entrance hallway they stopped. The first sign said Family Bathroom. Mathew turned to Julie and said jokingly “do you think anyone will mind if I use the “family” bathroom alone?” He let go of her hand and began walking away from her down the hall towards the men’s room. Julie surveyed the backside of his body as he walked away. As Mathew reached the door she responded with a straight face “well, I could always go with you, and hold your hand”.

Mathew pushed the door open with one hand, turned to Julie, and held out his other hand to her. With a huge smile he said “come on”. Julie hesitated, not sure if he was being funny, or actually encouraging her to join him. She slowly started to walk toward Mathew, unsure of herself. She felt a bit of anxiety. He laughed and said “you just wait there”, then he turned, and walked into the restroom. Julie laughed as the door closed.

Julie loved the look on his face right before he left her standing there alone. His look seemed to indicate that he thought about having her join him in the bathroom. She stood at the end of the hallway surveying the people sitting at the tables. Bright neon signs indentified the individual food vendors scattered around the edge of the food court.

As she waited she made a mental list of the emotions she was feeling. The day was surreal. She felt happiness and anxiety at the same time. She felt this odd connection with Mathew that seemed to tighten around her heart as the day went on. She purposely did not think about having to leave him later that afternoon. Her heart hadn’t slowed its pace from the moment they met. She thought about what she should be doing when he emerged from the restroom. Should she be looking down the hallway at him? Or stand at the end of the hallway with her back to him? If she stood with her back to him and pretended not to hear him coming, would he walk up behind her, put his arms around her and kiss her neck? Or would he do something simpler, like gently touch her lower back to let her know he was there? These odd thoughts crossed her mind, and she laughed at herself. She was completely out of her element.

It really didn’t matter what he did when he returned. The simple fact that they would have several more hours together made her happy. When he did return, Julie could not help but turn around when she heard him walking down the hallway.

“You…are trouble” he said with a smirk.

They began walking together. “How am I trouble?” She asked.

“You would have come in there with me”.

“Yes, and you would have liked it”

“We would have gone too far”

“No. We might have felt each other up a bit, but we would have stopped”

He laughed, and they walked on. He liked that she was so forward with her desire for him. He thought of bending her over the sink in the restroom.

Whats In a Name

I changed the name of my blog. Did you notice?

Never mind, there are only two of you following it.

I also gave it a very Zen look. The look wasn't intentional. I just started messing with the options and it came out that way. I suppose I should invite people to my blog, but I'm just not ready for visitors. A few people have noticed it, since it is connected on my Twitter page. I'm not convinced it has a direction yet.

The photography added is all mine. The current photos were all taken at Starved Rock, IL during a hiking trip we took in July. I don't claim to be a photographer. I took 250 photos using an average digital camera and a few turned out fairly decent. Photography is on my list of potential hobbies, after I finish school and earn some money with my degree.

Actually, this blog does seem to be evolving into a record of my writing journey. I've never written a full length novel, though I have several story ideas in my head. The number of ideas keeps growing and growing, and its making me crazy. Every one of them has a half written chapter or two stored on one of my many electronic devices, or scribbled in a spiral notebook, between the pages of my homework. The characters talk to me. Usually, at very inopportune times.

Anyway, today I was planning on spending the afternoon listening to music in the park with, my hubby. It was hot and humid outside, and I was tired and lazy, after class. We just didn't bother to go. I would have liked to go, but instead I lounged on the couch eating turkey roll-ups, and writing. The laptop put out enough heat on my lap that it felt like I was sitting in the sun. Whew...I may have to adjust the air conditioning next time.

Today's writing was very productive. I've already outlined my plot, written most of the character profiles and determined how they interact with each other. Today I started on the first chapter and wrote 900 words. Its not much, but considering how much work I have already done, its just a matter of getting the rough draft on paper. Every time I get stuck on a sentence, I stop and search out one of the many awesome tips on twitter. I use the distraction as an inspiration. How does that tip apply to what I am doing? And then I write on. Seems to be working for me.

Mikey is evolving as I write. BTW if you haven't figured it out yet, he is a fictional character. I know I haven't shared who he is or what he does yet. I'd like that to be a surprise. Maybe, I will post a little something about Mikey each time I write about him, and see if you can figure him out.

Mikey was asked this question today: “When was the last time you dated someone that you met while sober?”

Changes

Please pardon my dust while I play with the layout of my blog. I would like my page to appear more personalized, but I haven't had time to mess with it. Be patient. It may look different every couple of days as I test out the options. I know, a nice black font on a white background is the easiest to read on a cell phone. Not that I read blogs on my Blackberry...

This week I accomplished writing the basic profiles of most of the characters in my book. I'm starting to like a character that I hadn't considered until today. Mikey has a sister. She acts as his conscience and their interaction explains a lot about Mikey's private personality. Mikey thinks she is perfect, and feels like he constantly fails to live up to her expectations. Mikey travels all the time so they mainly interact via phone. Reminds me of the old Charlie's Angels series. We never see Charlie, but he is always there.

The Plot Thickens

OK, so my blog is fairly lame so far. Don't expect much until I graduate in February, 2010. Oh yeah, there is a chance, albeit a very remote chance, that I will be continuing my education at Northwestern for my Masters. I already got the green light from one of the admissions professors. Its a dream today, but stranger things have happened in my life.

Just out of curiosity...anyone want to pay for my Masters? No? Hmm...Well, I have a few months to figure it out.

Today I spent the first half of my lunch outlining the plot for Mikey's story. It actually poured out once I started. Then I spent the second half writing his profile. I think he's neurotic. He's like Sybil but with only two personalities....the public one and the private one.

So, the narrator character...she's next.

A preview of Mikey

MIKEY

I woke up one morning and decided to write about Mikey. I doubt he would agree to allow me to do it if I asked him. He’s much too private of a person to allow half the world read about his life. I think he likes the idea of fame but doesn’t really want it for himself. He’d rather be around it than in it. He was one of the most interesting guys I had ever met, and yet he had barely begun to live his life. Most would agree, he is too young to have a biography written about him. But, I tend to write about things that I can not get out of my head any other way, and Mikey was always on my mind. I needed to get him out. This isn’t a biography, but it’s definitely a story worth telling.

I met him in the spring of 2007. We were briefly introduced by a mutual friend at a night club in New York City. Gone were the days of hazy smoke filled rooms. The “No Smoking” laws took care of that, years ago. Yet the room was dim, and had the typical Club atmosphere. It was early in the evening. The music was still in the background, allowing conversations to fill the air like a mob of angry bees.

At the time, I thought he had barely noticed me. Later, I would find out I was very wrong about that. He had taken just as much interest in me, as I had in him, but he hid it well. Our mutual interest in each other would end in a whirlwind affair that would leave a lasting impression on my soul, though it would not happen for some time after we met.

I could hear him speaking across the room but did not look in his direction. Mikey’s voice was very distinct and deep. He had an obvious Long Island accent. It reminded me of Danny Bonaduce, somewhat gravelly, as if he smoked far too many cigarettes and far too much weed in a short period of time. Personally I found the sound of it sexy as hell.

I heard the confidence as he spoke, yet I could also hear the insecurity underneath. I doubt anyone else heard it as I did. Listening to him was distracting me from my own conversation, and I found myself frequently losing my train of thought. I looked at the guy in front of me, nodded my head and smiled as if I had heard what he said, even though I hadn’t.

Mikey had a charisma that attracted all kinds of people. This was apparent by the entourage of women that followed him when he moved around the room. Occasionally, throughout the evening, our eyes would meet. I don’t know why I returned his gaze with an almost vacant look. Or why neither of us registered any obvious desire, nor attraction. But I was sure of one thing. Playing with Mikey was like playing with fire. He was undoubtedly hot, and I would undoubtedly get burned.