Cynical

CYNICAL

Adjective Believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity. Doubtful as to whether something will happen or is worthwhile

I've never been a cynical person. Just the opposite really. I trust and I believe that people generally have good intentions.  Maybe that is how I satisfy my own self-interest.  I need to believe the world is a good place and that people are inherently good honest people in order to maintain my positive attitude.  I need to believe in the other person's sincerity.  It's what keeps my faith alive.

I listened to some advice against my...not better judgement.  I was waiting around for something I wanted and was told that maybe I should move on.  I denied, even fought the idea that I was waiting...but it was true. So I took one step away, took a chance on a moment and I was so wrong.  Again. It was like getting my hand slapped because I smiled.

I'm trying to understand why people are so deceptive. They think their deception is unintentional because they meant no harm in doing it.  Well, no harm to themselves because they certainly are not thinking of the other person's best interest.

Lets just stir up someone else's emotions and then say we didn't mean to.  That makes everything OK.

What I need is to have my soul satisfied.
I keep looking in the wrong direction.

Yet, I'll keep waiting for you.  It feels safer.

~KB